Why must I...please?

What is it, what makes me think that my worth comes only from others opinion of who I am, how well I 'perform', how big I smile, or frown, how much willpower I have, how much sympathy, willingness, forgiveness, motherliness I poses. Why can't I just do a good job, why can't my yes's be yes's and no's be no's why must I swear that I am different, look different, be better, be sweeter, be more special or less annoying. Why must I be what each person wants me to be. Why do my opinions change depending on who I walk with. I will be your best friend, if it makes you happy. I will be your best employee if you will praise me. I will be the best mother if God answers my prayers for a son who walks with the Lord. I will do whatever you ask, just don't yell, don't get upset, don't tell me I did it wrong. Am I the only ones that feels overwhelmed and exhausted with this life? Why is everyone so very different, so hard to please? It makes it impossible for me to accept myself...when it seems the world is out to find fault.

When my son Andrew takes steps without support, or says a new word, it pleases me. He likes to please me, but at this point he is not seeking approval to measure his own self worth. He is seeking approval because he loves me and wants to see me smile at him. That is as simple as it gets. That...is why I should work to my potential, be considerate, forgive, serve....not for God to measure my worth and give me golden stars...but to make him happy because I love Him.

Jesus did not die on the cross, so that we should have to tireslly work for our worth. He gave me worth, all of us worth, when he died on the cross. We were worth his suffering and there is nothing we can do at this point that can take away his love and acceptance. For me, I must learn that there are no CONDITIONS, "if" I do this "then" I get that. When it comes to love, God took that equation out of the picture. He will love us unconditionally, no matter how much we shine up or screw up. He only asks that we believe in him and his sacrafice.

God, please show me how to live without seeking approval, to do my best FOR YOU. For no reason other than to make you smile :-)

Fun with the Fam

This week has been busy, but oh so much fun! My precious little Drew's 1st Birthday party was on Saturday 8/8/09, we can't believe how big he has gotten! This was a huge event, one that I still can't believe we pulled off! Of course, this only happened because of the love and support of my wonderful family. I think EVERY member of my family stepped up and 'saved the party' in one way or another.

It was absolutely perfect! I couldn't have asked for a better day. I just wish somebody was taking a constant video of all of it, because I being the 'Martha', that I am was busy the entire time entertaining...or atleast that is what I hope I was doing. I have seen a few picture so far, and like what I see!

There was presents, and cake, pinhatas and fake tatooes, swings and slides, bee stings and a few tears...just the right recipe for a birthday party. I was stressed for weeks before hand and each time I started to worry God would say to me "Just have fun Emily, it will all work out" It did work out and I did have fun. I am getting better at listening to God in the moments that he speaks, but I need to carry that peace to the next moment....that is where I am at...